His Car Isn’t Yours
When the past haunts you on a random night, a twinge striking your heart once again.
Letting go of the past is as hard as trying to grasp what the future holds for you. The difference is just, the past is already painted with a gloomy texture — while the future is still a blank canvas waiting to be painted with hues.
But now looking back
I looked at you like nobody else
Am I supposed to find someone
Makes me feel how I felt?
As I find myself emerging to a new beginning from a breakup, questions start to linger in my mind,
‘Do I find a new love?’
‘What if they hurt me like you did?’
‘Will I feel just the same way I love you?’
This just shows how much a past could affect your image of your own future. As I dreamily stare at my ceiling once again, trying to envision what relationship I would have — there’s still a small voice at the back of my mind saying that:
What if I just want the feeling of being treated right, but silently wishing that I hope it came from you?
After a breakup, no one talks about the grief of finding a new one and the fear of hurting them because of your past traumatic experiences.
And he opens my door but his car isn’t yours.
Having a glimpse of your past to someone who you are currently dating — it is excruciating to think that, at some point, you just wished that it was them who were treating you right.
Lying to my mind that you might come back
Try to win me back again.
And every damn time, I would feel like a cheater of my own thoughts.
That I find myself fearing the idea of having someone new might just ruin our relationship just because I chose to stick to my past.
Just like how a new one would drive me up on a random night, I find myself replaying our own memories at the sound of his car engine.
And I hate that it hurts that his car isn’t yours.
